All in Love is Fair

I’ve learned over the years that love is the one subject that has no rules. Of course, people place restrictions on love, and other people choose either to abide by them or not.  But, intrinsically, there are no rules in love.

What?  because I love you, I can’t love nobody else?  Or maybe I can’t love someone else as much as I love you, or the way I love you.  But how do you tell love that?  “lookahere love,  you gotta reign it in.  can’t be lovin anybody if you love somebody already.”

Folks don’t know what to do with love.  They feel like they gotta bottle it.  make sure nobody else can see it or have it.  can’t accept that love is promiscuous in a sense.  and if you’re lucky enough for somebody to give it to you, you can cherish it.  But you don’t get to hoard it.  We think loving someone and having them love you back is a zero sum game. Once I give my love to you, then by this logic, I should have nothing left to give.  Zero love reserves left.

But I’m a human being — an Aquarius human being — blessed with uniquely large capacities for love and friendship, and relationship.  And reason.  I understand that your love for me doesn’t preclude your love for him, or her.  And I’m ok with that.  I know where I stand with you and as long as you honor me and nurture us in our relationship, I’m ok.

Love and faith are opposites of fear.  Fear operates on absolute terms — black or white, this or that, her or me.  Because if we recognize that life is shades of gray, and that love is the quintessential gray area, then we are terrified of what that means.  We think we can’t rest comfortably in knowing (and feeling) that the love really is there.  Or that the person we love will honor it the right way.  But that’s not love’s fault.  Check the cat you chose to give your love to.  Is she worth it?  Or are you selfish about it?  Or did you make a bad love choice in the first place?

We often expect that love will look like it does in Disney films.  We’re all princess so-and-so waiting for prince or princess so-and-so to sweep us off our feet and pledge fealty to us and our interests only.  For all time.  And there’s nothing wrong with that when it happens.  There’s nothing wrong with wanting that.  Except that life isn’t a Disney film.  And most folks aren’t Bella or Cinderella, or Prince Charming.  We want love and we want to keep it, but we’re conditioned not to trust it unless it’s all encompassing and effectively forsakes all others, save family.  And even that’s shaky sometimes.

So, with less than 48 hours separating us from a new year, and a fresh start, I’ll make my New Year’s resolution in the here and now:  I resolve to make no apologies for the way I love and my commitment to it.  In other words, if I love, then I love.  I love hard and I love well.  And I’m committed to nurturing what we have.  I won’t live in fear.  And I won’t entertain fear shrouded in the guise of love.  Some shit you just have to trust.  And you can’t be afraid of that either.

With Love,

MAG

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About moniquealicia

M.A.G. is a doctoral student at Howard University. She resides in the Washington, DC metro area, and is passionate about her love of family and friends, politics and conversation, and the exceptional meal. View all posts by moniquealicia

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